Happy Gnu Year! (Open Thread)

 

I hope everyone had a great Christmas (or whatever bogus non-Christmas holiday you celebrate).  I'm curious to hear how everyone's year went (work related or not).  Please post your year-end musings here.

I was super busy this year, which is why it was the first year that I didn't post anything mocking Shannon/Steven.  I actually ended up hiring some associates this year.  It was a scary proposition, since I hate the idea of being responsible for keeping other people busy.  I had this fear that as soon as a new associate started, all of my cases would settle/get dismissed and I'd be stuck paying someone to surf the web all day.  Fortunately, the work kept coming in.

I was pleasantly surprised by my bonus at the end of the year, and I have to say it's the first time that I've been surprised by a bonus in a good way.  At my previous firms, management computed bonuses by trying to guess how little they could pay each lawyer without making them leave for greener pastures.  I certainly appreciate a system where a formula is used to reward everyone based on their production.  It's even more satisfying that I did better than I ever did at BigLaw while working from home in shorts 95% of the time.

I hope everyone has a very happy New Year and a prosperous 2023.

Notable Lawyer Screw Ups of 2022--End of Year Edition

 Mercifully, most of my taskmasters are off skiing this week, so, at the request of IP Law Ass,  I'll provide analysis on that poor sap who couldn't figure out integers or how to pay a filing fee.

(Note to IPLAss--I think Fresh or CalJur can send you a link to get into the Blogger thing so you can post. But you'll need a burner Gmail account to do it)

Anyway this first blunder happened in October, so if you saw it earlier, just pretend you didnt.

A Kirkland associate named Zoya Kovalenko was fired and she later sued the firm for wrongful termination/sex discrimination. When she filed her complaint she forgot to remove some interesting notes she made to herself.  Whoops! The following screenshot should give you nightmares:

 Apparently Ms. K--who is representing herself-- has never heard of "track changes" or highlighted comments.

Ok moving on to the unfortunate Utah lawyer, Steven Call, voted one of Utah's "Legal Elites."
Mr. Call decided to upload documents in a bankruptcy matter at the last legal minute (11:40 pm at night) and spent an agonizing half hour doing battle with a unfriendly Electronic Case File system that demanded actual numbers for the "integer box."

After after trying every letter/number/symbol on his keyboard, he somehow got the ECF to  accept his info and materials at 12:19 am.  Too late!

The 10th Circuit was not sympathetic to Mr. Call's claims that the ECF malfunctioned. The court noted that the Utah Bankruptcy Court has a help desk that attorneys can call "during business hours," and that Call was required to receive training before he could even register with the ECF system.

Analysis: The fact that Mr. Call went the DIY route at 11:40 at night, without an assistant, associate or paralegal providing guidance and backup, is insane. 

I also bet Mr. Call wasn't the person who "received training," it was probably his para.

 

 

Merry Christmas, Happy Saturnalia—and I miss Partner Emeritus. I do.

 

Congratulations to BillyBob on being featured in ATL!

 

I’m one of the leading practitioners in the country in my specialty. I win cases for some of the biggest technology companies in the world, saving them billions in damages. But I can’t sniff equity partnership because they’re someone else’s clients.

Large firms are a scam. They extract a certain amount of work and fees out of associates over seven-plus years and then discard the majority of them.

— An intellectual property litigation partner in Dallas, in comments given in response to the American Lawyer’s New Partners Survey with Law.com Compass. The survey results found that new partners feel “overworked and underappreciated,” with over 60% of respondents saying they have no “clear goals and objectives,” and many left feeling “blindsided by the financial responsibilities of the partnership.”

https://abovethelaw.com/2022/12/new-biglaw-partner-says-biglaw-firms-are-a-scam/

Meghan and Harry Netflix documentary used bogus footage to argue need to escape papararazzi

 An image used to show Prince Harry and Meghan Markle being hounded by paparazzi turned out to be an old snap from the London premiere of "Harry Potter" – which was taken years before the couple met.

In the trailer for the Duke and Duchess of Sussex’s upcoming Netflix docuseries "Harry and Meghan," rows of photographers are seen snapping away before the British prince says, "I had to do everything I could to protect my family."

Lying liars due for a fall. 

https://www.foxnews.com/entertainment/pic-meghan-markle-prince-harry-being-hounded-paparazzi-netflix-doc

The Daily Telegraph reports that Harry has seen a 13-point favorability drop since November, while Meghan has undergone a 7-point drop since November. She is now the second most unpopular royal tracked by survey firm YouGov, beaten in the unpopularity rankings only by Prince Andrew.

Avenatti sentenced to a total 19 years behind bars

 That’s 14 years for the California fraud conviction to be served *consecutive* to the 5-years in the Nike extortion case and the Stormy Daniels matter.

Details here:  https://lawandcrime.com/high-profile/it-is-now-time-to-pay-his-debts-michael-avenatti-to-serve-more-than-a-decade-behind-bars-for-12m-fraud-against-four-clients/

Sagel and his co-counsel, Ranee Katzenstein, chief of the Los Angeles U.S. Attorney’s Office’s Major Frauds Section, had asked for 210 months – 17.5 years – consecutive with the New York sentences, while Avenatti had asked for 72 months – six years – concurrent.

FROM THE DOJ PRESS RELEASE:

          Avenatti obstructed the agency’s efforts to collect the monies that his company owed by making false statements to an IRS revenue officer; directing employees to stop depositing cash receipts; and changing the company name, Employer Identification Number, and bank account information listed with his credit card processing company to avoid IRS levies.

          In addition, prosecutors argued in support of allegations in an indictment that:

• Avenatti failed to file individual tax returns or pay any personal income taxes for 2011 through 2017, even though he had a substantial income and lived lavishly.
• He also failed to file partnership returns or pay taxes – including payroll taxes – for his now-defunct Newport Beach-based law firm Eagan Avenatti LLP, of which he was the managing partner, for 2013 through 2017, even though the law firm received many millions of dollars during those years.
• Furthermore, Avenatti failed to file corporate tax returns or pay taxes for Avenatti & Associates, of which he was president, for 2011 through 2017, even though this entity also received substantial funds.

          “[Avenatti’s] tax fraud scheme was massive, resulting in losses to the federal treasury…and harming hundreds of his employees whose payroll taxes he stole,” prosecutors noted in the sentencing memorandum.

          IRS Criminal lnvestigation conducted the investigation in this matter. The Office of the United States Trustee provided assistance.

https://twitter.com/MayneMachine/status/1600921025499144192?s=20&t=roDx69CCd7COvCmRM7LDJg