December 30, 2022

Happy Gnu Year! (Open Thread)

 


I hope everyone had a great Christmas (or whatever bogus non-Christmas holiday you celebrate).  I'm curious to hear how everyone's year went (work related or not).  Please post your year-end musings here.

I was super busy this year, which is why it was the first year that I didn't post anything mocking Shannon/Steven.  I actually ended up hiring some associates this year.  It was a scary proposition, since I hate the idea of being responsible for keeping other people busy.  I had this fear that as soon as a new associate started, all of my cases would settle/get dismissed and I'd be stuck paying someone to surf the web all day.  Fortunately, the work kept coming in.

I was pleasantly surprised by my bonus at the end of the year, and I have to say it's the first time that I've been surprised by a bonus in a good way.  At my previous firms, management computed bonuses by trying to guess how little they could pay each lawyer without making them leave for greener pastures.  I certainly appreciate a system where a formula is used to reward everyone based on their production.  It's even more satisfying that I did better than I ever did at BigLaw while working from home in shorts 95% of the time.

I hope everyone has a very happy New Year and a prosperous 2023.


December 26, 2022

Notable Lawyer Screw Ups of 2022--End of Year Edition

 Mercifully, most of my taskmasters are off skiing this week, so, at the request of IP Law Ass,  I'll provide analysis on that poor sap who couldn't figure out integers or how to pay a filing fee.

(Note to IPLAss--I think Fresh or CalJur can send you a link to get into the Blogger thing so you can post. But you'll need a burner Gmail account to do it)

Anyway this first blunder happened in October, so if you saw it earlier, just pretend you didnt.

A Kirkland associate named Zoya Kovalenko was fired and she later sued the firm for wrongful termination/sex discrimination. When she filed her complaint she forgot to remove some interesting notes she made to herself.  Whoops! The following screenshot should give you nightmares:


 Apparently Ms. K--who is representing herself-- has never heard of "track changes" or highlighted comments.

Ok moving on to the unfortunate Utah lawyer, Steven Call, voted one of Utah's "Legal Elites."
Mr. Call decided to upload documents in a bankruptcy matter at the last legal minute (11:40 pm at night) and spent an agonizing half hour doing battle with a unfriendly Electronic Case File system that demanded actual numbers for the "integer box."

After after trying every letter/number/symbol on his keyboard, he somehow got the ECF to  accept his info and materials at 12:19 am.  Too late!

The 10th Circuit was not sympathetic to Mr. Call's claims that the ECF malfunctioned. The court noted that the Utah Bankruptcy Court has a help desk that attorneys can call "during business hours," and that Call was required to receive training before he could even register with the ECF system.

Analysis: The fact that Mr. Call went the DIY route at 11:40 at night, without an assistant, associate or paralegal providing guidance and backup, is insane. 

I also bet Mr. Call wasn't the person who "received training," it was probably his para.

 


 



December 15, 2022

Congratulations to BillyBob on being featured in ATL!

 


I’m one of the leading practitioners in the country in my specialty. I win cases for some of the biggest technology companies in the world, saving them billions in damages. But I can’t sniff equity partnership because they’re someone else’s clients.

Large firms are a scam. They extract a certain amount of work and fees out of associates over seven-plus years and then discard the majority of them.

— An intellectual property litigation partner in Dallas, in comments given in response to the American Lawyer’s New Partners Survey with Law.com Compass. The survey results found that new partners feel “overworked and underappreciated,” with over 60% of respondents saying they have no “clear goals and objectives,” and many left feeling “blindsided by the financial responsibilities of the partnership.”


https://abovethelaw.com/2022/12/new-biglaw-partner-says-biglaw-firms-are-a-scam/

December 6, 2022

Meghan and Harry Netflix documentary used bogus footage to argue need to escape papararazzi

 An image used to show Prince Harry and Meghan Markle being hounded by paparazzi turned out to be an old snap from the London premiere of "Harry Potter" – which was taken years before the couple met.

In the trailer for the Duke and Duchess of Sussex’s upcoming Netflix docuseries "Harry and Meghan," rows of photographers are seen snapping away before the British prince says, "I had to do everything I could to protect my family."


Lying liars due for a fall. 


https://www.foxnews.com/entertainment/pic-meghan-markle-prince-harry-being-hounded-paparazzi-netflix-doc

The Daily Telegraph reports that Harry has seen a 13-point favorability drop since November, while Meghan has undergone a 7-point drop since November. She is now the second most unpopular royal tracked by survey firm YouGov, beaten in the unpopularity rankings only by Prince Andrew.

Avenatti sentenced to a total 19 years behind bars

 That’s 14 years for the California fraud conviction to be served *consecutive* to the 5-years in the Nike extortion case and the Stormy Daniels matter.

Details here:  https://lawandcrime.com/high-profile/it-is-now-time-to-pay-his-debts-michael-avenatti-to-serve-more-than-a-decade-behind-bars-for-12m-fraud-against-four-clients/

Sagel and his co-counsel, Ranee Katzenstein, chief of the Los Angeles U.S. Attorney’s Office’s Major Frauds Section, had asked for 210 months – 17.5 years – consecutive with the New York sentences, while Avenatti had asked for 72 months – six years – concurrent.


FROM THE DOJ PRESS RELEASE:

          Avenatti obstructed the agency’s efforts to collect the monies that his company owed by making false statements to an IRS revenue officer; directing employees to stop depositing cash receipts; and changing the company name, Employer Identification Number, and bank account information listed with his credit card processing company to avoid IRS levies.

          In addition, prosecutors argued in support of allegations in an indictment that:

  • Avenatti failed to file individual tax returns or pay any personal income taxes for 2011 through 2017, even though he had a substantial income and lived lavishly.
  • He also failed to file partnership returns or pay taxes – including payroll taxes – for his now-defunct Newport Beach-based law firm Eagan Avenatti LLP, of which he was the managing partner, for 2013 through 2017, even though the law firm received many millions of dollars during those years.
  • Furthermore, Avenatti failed to file corporate tax returns or pay taxes for Avenatti & Associates, of which he was president, for 2011 through 2017, even though this entity also received substantial funds.

          “[Avenatti’s] tax fraud scheme was massive, resulting in losses to the federal treasury…and harming hundreds of his employees whose payroll taxes he stole,” prosecutors noted in the sentencing memorandum.

          IRS Criminal lnvestigation conducted the investigation in this matter. The Office of the United States Trustee provided assistance.

https://twitter.com/MayneMachine/status/1600921025499144192?s=20&t=roDx69CCd7COvCmRM7LDJg


November 26, 2022

Need Moar Forgiveness!

Meet a first-generation attorney with $347,000 in student debt who can't land a job and says 'there are a substantial number of people like me that are being forgotten'

Honestly, $350k?  I have difficulty imagining no one suggested to him that this would be a problem, and the reporter not raising the question of his judgment at all also strikes me as... clickbait, an agenda, or both.  

You can't help but feel sorry for him, but our system of government just cannot afford to indulge this level of stupidity and put it on the backs of the taxpayers - the banks and/or law school that created this situation should be bearing the risk of his default.

/ENDRANT

Hope everyone had a happy and COVID/flu free Thanksgiving.

November 9, 2022

Decision '22: Whither Poochie?

Now that the electorate has thrice rejected bargain-bin-Obama Robert "Beto" O'Rourke for high office, what are some viable career options for the little punk-rock politico that nobody wanted? Consulting? Podcasting? Assistant to Annie Leibovitz? Return to his home planet?


Disqus, but also feel free to post your non-Poochie-related election thoughts/dick pics below.

October 28, 2022

A Broken Clock: ATL Has An Actually Interesting* Article, By Actual Lawyer

 *Interesting might be an overstatement.    The premise is that, if everyone just works from home, what you really have are a bunch fungible billing units, and not a law firm.  Being partially back in the office, I tend to agree.  100% WFH is not really a law firm.  Thoughts?


Work From Home = Dead Law Firm Working at home, to your bosses, can make you seem nothing more than a fungible billing unit. 

By BRUCE STACHENFELD onOctober 25, 2022 at 3:15 PM 81 SHARES

 I just read an article saying that a large percentage of young lawyers — 44% — would quit rather than come into the office. Let me be provocative here and say that a law firm that has too much WFH has a very high likelihood of extinction. And let me also be provocative and say that a young lawyer who goes too much for the WFH angle has a very high likelihood of career extinction or at least job loss at the next downturn.  


Let me explain. A lawyer I just interviewed told me essentially that there was no reason to go into the office at his firm since no one was there, so if you go in, you are all alone. He works from home, as does almost everyone. It is just no fun, and there is really no law firm at all. Just a bunch of people logging in. That is why he is interviewing with me — because he wants a place to go where he has friends and human interaction.



Building on this, let's get back to basics. What is a law firm? It is a collection of lawyers who are together because they want to be together. If they stop wanting to be together, then they leave, and the law firm ends. As a partner of mine told me years ago when I was managing partner: "Bruce," he said, "all of the assets of this company go down the elevator every night. Your job is to make sure they come back in the morning." Well, if everyone works from home, it sounds like all the assets aren't coming back in the morning, are they? They are home — perhaps working hard — but there is no connection to the firm. If they get a better offer, all they have to do is change their email address, and they now work for another law firm.  

At my firm, I am proud to say — and, indeed, the whole point of the firm — is that we are together. We are having fun with each other. We all have friends here. We are a team. We are in the office partly to do work, and partly so we can all add value to each other. Professional value, emotional value, inspirational value, value when we are down to get picked up, value to have the thrill of teaching and being taught, and every other kind of value. Yes, we have bad days of stress, but overall it is fun to be in our office with our friends. The other law firm I mentioned — which is much bigger than our firm — where that fellow is working, in my view is the walking dead. They may not know it yet but they are. Turning now to employees — especially younger employees — you went to law school for a reason. To be a lawyer. Being a lawyer admittedly starts out by typing a lot of words on a page. And that you can do from anywhere, but there is a lot more to being a lawyer than that. It is about building relationships with clients and colleagues. I could go on and on about this, but I guarantee you that you won't be building that career sitting at home. Instead, at home, to your bosses, you are a fungible billing unit. What a horrible phrase, but that is what you are. 

You aren't present in the office and part of the team showing your humanity and building value for yourself and others. Admittedly, I am overstating things a bit. There are exceptions, such as working at home temporarily — for personal reasons, such as taking care of a relative. Or for health reasons. Or just because you have to power down now and then. A policy allowing people to work from home one — or maybe two — days a week, makes perfect sense and is all to the good. In this vein, WFH can be kind of like a guilty pleasure — like secretly eating ice cream for lunch now and then. But if you go too far, no one will enjoy eating ice cream three meals a day, five days a week. So here is my message to both employer and employee: If you are the employer — the partners — you need to make sure your office is one that people want to go to. Or they won't go in, and as I said, it is game over, sooner or later. It is your critical job just like my partner told me years ago to make the firm a place where people want to be, or sooner or later they won't be there. And if you are the employee — the associates — you need to go into the office and make your career happen. 

To conclude, some WFH is a great thing to spice things up. But if you go too far toward WFH as a law firm, then the law firm's days are numbered. And if you go too far toward WFH as an employee, you will likely be the first to be cut from the team when things turn down. All of this seems obvious to me — but that article I mentioned at the start — made me wonder if others are living in Fantasyland.

It’s Cabo time again I’m gonna leave you; I can see the heartbreak in your eyes…



🎶🎶🎶🎶 


Dear Homeowner,

 

We would like to remind you that in Mexico we change to winter time on Sunday 30th of October.

Please, remember to put your clocks backwards one hour on Saturday night.