Summer Help Criteria

Open discussion: In hiring summer help—interns, clerks, homeless au pairs, etc.—what are the two or three most important qualities that you or your organization look for in candidates? Please be clear and succinct in your responses. Thank you.

 

Billing/timekeeping software

The shitty, archaic timekeeping software my firm uses (Time Matters) is finally ending its lifecycle and we're in the market for a new one.  I'm hoping to pick your collective brains regarding the products you use and whether or not you'd recommend them.

For context, we have about 20 lawyers and another 15 staff, so we'd probably figure on 40 licenses to be safe.  

How Does Your Law Firm's Merch Rank?

 My firm's "promotional" items are so sad; we hand out...books. Written by...us.

Though if you've signed a retainer agreement---you might get a 2 hour parking validation sticker-- but that's the extent of our largess. 

Unlike the rest of the legal industry, which showers their clients with gifts and swag!  There was a funny twitter thread with pics of amusing Big Law goodies (see below) 

Not pictured: Latham lunch boxes, Gibson Dunn frisbees & yo-yos, Cooley sriracha bottles, White & Case coloring books, Ropes& Gray Tide-to-Go soap sticks and Cadwalader chef aprons. 

And millions of phone chargers and flash drives

 

Unlucky: Silicon Valley Bank exec was Lehman Brothers CFO prior to 2008 collapse

 This probably won’t look good on a resume.

https://www.foxbusiness.com/economy/silicon-valley-bank-exec-was-lehman-brothers-cfo-prior-to-2008-collapse 

Majesty of grand jury system on full display in Georgia Trump case

The forewom -- er, I mean foreperson -- of the Fulton County grand jury investigation into former President Trump's alleged attempt to "overturn" the 2020 election began a big media tour this week despite the panel's recommendations being under seal. 

Emily Kohrs, an unemployed 30-year-old Atlanta-area resident, told the New York Times that her panel recommended multiple indictments. She told CNN they would not "be shocked" if "the big name" (who would that be, I wonder) were on the list of multiple persons indicted. She described herself to the AP as "a geek about the justice system." Clearly. 

She gave similar interviews to MSNBC, the Atlanta Journal-Constitution, Cosmo Girl, Bovine Veterinarian, Adult Video News, Cat Fancy, etc., etc., etc.

 

What potential legal ramifications, if any, may result from Miss Kohrs's gregariousness? Was this somehow, as some have posited, a deliberate attempt to sabotage the prosecution? Why was Glawker not among those esteemed media outlets that interviewed her?

This Space Reserved for Mari's Story about a Ghastly Firm Party

 I'll get to it tomorrow (Monday) but every time I try to post, the people that pay me start sending emails strongly suggesting I do something else. Like bill more than 3 hours a day.

Back tomorrow

M

Ok it's tomorrow, so here you go: our marketing people have been continually nagging partners to "write a book" via that Amazon self-publishing thing, and then foist it on clients as a freebie. Basically just collect a bunch of memos on a legal topic, turn them into chapters, slap a cover on it and voila! you got a book.

Normally this would be no big deal but the partner in our group who actually did it now wants to have a "book party"  like a real author with a real publisher.  Fine, who cares EXCEPT this party is going to be held at our office and...everyone in our group is expected to invite people.

So I was forced to hand over email addresses of 20 people  and then "follow up" when they (surprise) do not RSVP.  Seriously, who on earth wants to go to a party at a law firm?

 

What are your 5 favorite oppression movies?

 By that I mean flicks where the oppressors are likable. In no particular order, mine are:

1. Gladiator. I like Romans mucho. They’re hilarious. 

2. The Passion of the Christ. Ditto.

3. Braveheart. I’m Anglo-Gaelic but I rooted for the limeys. I love Edward I aka Longshanks.

4. Blue Velvet. Frank Booth changed my life.

5. The Help. I’m sorry. It’s funny. Also, it’s Mom’s favorite.

Happy Gnu Year! (Open Thread)

 

I hope everyone had a great Christmas (or whatever bogus non-Christmas holiday you celebrate).  I'm curious to hear how everyone's year went (work related or not).  Please post your year-end musings here.

I was super busy this year, which is why it was the first year that I didn't post anything mocking Shannon/Steven.  I actually ended up hiring some associates this year.  It was a scary proposition, since I hate the idea of being responsible for keeping other people busy.  I had this fear that as soon as a new associate started, all of my cases would settle/get dismissed and I'd be stuck paying someone to surf the web all day.  Fortunately, the work kept coming in.

I was pleasantly surprised by my bonus at the end of the year, and I have to say it's the first time that I've been surprised by a bonus in a good way.  At my previous firms, management computed bonuses by trying to guess how little they could pay each lawyer without making them leave for greener pastures.  I certainly appreciate a system where a formula is used to reward everyone based on their production.  It's even more satisfying that I did better than I ever did at BigLaw while working from home in shorts 95% of the time.

I hope everyone has a very happy New Year and a prosperous 2023.

Notable Lawyer Screw Ups of 2022--End of Year Edition

 Mercifully, most of my taskmasters are off skiing this week, so, at the request of IP Law Ass,  I'll provide analysis on that poor sap who couldn't figure out integers or how to pay a filing fee.

(Note to IPLAss--I think Fresh or CalJur can send you a link to get into the Blogger thing so you can post. But you'll need a burner Gmail account to do it)

Anyway this first blunder happened in October, so if you saw it earlier, just pretend you didnt.

A Kirkland associate named Zoya Kovalenko was fired and she later sued the firm for wrongful termination/sex discrimination. When she filed her complaint she forgot to remove some interesting notes she made to herself.  Whoops! The following screenshot should give you nightmares:

 Apparently Ms. K--who is representing herself-- has never heard of "track changes" or highlighted comments.

Ok moving on to the unfortunate Utah lawyer, Steven Call, voted one of Utah's "Legal Elites."
Mr. Call decided to upload documents in a bankruptcy matter at the last legal minute (11:40 pm at night) and spent an agonizing half hour doing battle with a unfriendly Electronic Case File system that demanded actual numbers for the "integer box."

After after trying every letter/number/symbol on his keyboard, he somehow got the ECF to  accept his info and materials at 12:19 am.  Too late!

The 10th Circuit was not sympathetic to Mr. Call's claims that the ECF malfunctioned. The court noted that the Utah Bankruptcy Court has a help desk that attorneys can call "during business hours," and that Call was required to receive training before he could even register with the ECF system.

Analysis: The fact that Mr. Call went the DIY route at 11:40 at night, without an assistant, associate or paralegal providing guidance and backup, is insane. 

I also bet Mr. Call wasn't the person who "received training," it was probably his para.

 

 

Merry Christmas, Happy Saturnalia—and I miss Partner Emeritus. I do.