Although drinking Satanic alcohol is prohibited in the enlightened Islamic Republic of Iran, a number of Iranian citizens embarked on an aggressive trial of various alcoholic beverages as a possible means of warding off the coronavirus. Some of these beverages reportedly substitute a combination of highly toxic methanol and bleach for consumable ethanol. Showing the same fervor and devotion in their attack on the disease that they would normally display against apostates and infidels, at least forty-four of the intrepid researchers testing the potential treatments are said to have attained complete imperviousness to the coronavirus as a result. Preliminary accounts indicate that collateral benefits associated with the alcohol therapy include dramatically decreased likelihood of patients either breathing in the coronavirus or absent-mindedly touching their faces. However, as of press time, none of the people reported to have achieved complete immunity to coronavirus could be reached for comment.
Meanwhile, the Iranian government, for its part, is reportedly attempting to suppress further research by hunting down and arresting the purveyors of the curative elixir, whom it deems "bootleggers."
https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/world/2020/03/10/44-dead-iran-drinking-toxic-alcohol-fake-coronavirus-cure/5009761002/
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