June 11, 2021

CNN: Where a hard man is good to find

 After eight months all by himself, Jeffrey Toobin is back, he's jacked, and he's got the world in the palm of his hands.

Yesterday, CNN officially welcomed back its disgraced Chief Legal Analyst with a well-rehearsed public mea culpa and seemingly no repercussions.

 


Lest this development rub people the wrong way, CNN has recently unbuttoned its ethical standards for its on-camera talent, allowing Chris Cuomo to continue pretending he R SRS REPORTERMAN despite counseling his governor brother on his numerous misdeeds. And because Toobin's takes are on the right side of history, CNN is happy to look the other way.

In this friendly interview with a woman dressed as a banana (pure coincidence, I'm sure), Toobin assures the audience that, other than masturbating in full view of his horrified colleagues, there are no other "skeletons in the closet." I'm sure that's very reassuring for the young lawyer he knocked up, then pressured to have an abortion, only to end up failing to pay child support.

Unlike the New Yorker, CNN clearly feels that the damage to its already-foundering credibility is outweighed by the keen legal insights Toobin is apt to whip out, such this one from the clip above:

Q: Do you think that the punishment fits the crime?

Toobin: You know, I am the worst person to ask that question. No. I loved the New Yorker, I loved working there. ... And I thought this punishment was excessive, but look, that's why they don't ask the criminal to be the judge in his own case.

They sure don't, Jeff. They sure don't.

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